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“It was just another day and another household fight, but what caught my attention was the statement made by the yelling ‘elder daughter-in-law’ who in the most disrespectful manner asked me to come and visit my in-laws and take care of the family (which by the way she herself refrained from) by sitting back home. This grudgeful outburst of anger that was showcased was completely due to the inferiority complex that was generated in her mind as she is a homemaker and comparatively less educated. I retaliated but was quite annoyed, because I do take care whenever it is possible. Due to my unavailability during a certain period of time, thanks to the various career commitments, I was unable to pay more visits but off lately after wrapping them up I’d been visiting. My in-laws never complained as they are pretty understanding since both of them were working and neither did my husband because he understands my passion. But the grudge had its place in someone’s heart, in someone’s mind, in someone’s words…!”
-The Working Bahu (Daughter-In-Law)
Quite a usual story, huh…!
But look carefully, is it usual? Yes, it indeed is. Nobody in the family had an issue but someone was still unhappy…! Coming from a different background made that one person rely on certain stigmas of the society which the working daughter-in-law was fighting to curb in the society with the help of NGO’s. Outside she was a role-model, but at her own house, she herself was the victim of the same social stigmas. The irony was that outside she spoke about curbing the above issues, while at home she was asked to be quiet and deal with it!
Yes…! This is one of the blind truths that the society faces and is embarrassed to accept. Truly enough, women who empower women too undergo the same sexist thoughts and have to deal with them back at home.
Why blame a sexist male, when a female is no less…!
Today, a single sexist thought can just ruin a person’s integrity quite badly enough. Yes, one should take care of the family, but one should take care of her passion and career as well. Striking a balance between the same is equally important…! The notion conceived from the above story which typically ensures that a woman is supposed to take care of the house and the man is supposed to be working in ideal situations is quite an old-age idea. It’s existence today affects the very common idea of “Gender-Equality.”
Especially when a woman comments over such kind of an issue to another woman, it often creates an illusion of self-doubt. Pertaining to the facts which were otherwise called normal in a different era eventually makes the working woman question her own ideas and beliefs in the current existing period of time, which is surely devastating. Giving up then becomes a stronger option…! (DON’T do that…!)
What and how can it be changed…?
Oh no…! It can’t be, not at least that easily…! But it can be modified with patience, perseverance and self-dignity. Leaving out the successes of a woman has been quite a common phenomenon (Read the article ‘“Oh No..! I didn’t want to sound like a sexist” thought the man behind the Mic.‘). The society often accepts a male domination but a woman’s high-end success always gets challenged…!
Being a woman myself, I sometimes have been told in the eeriest way to start a job and leave writing as someone might just respect a working employee and I will also have excess time to my family. My self-work, however, isn’t that demanding but yes, the old tarnished society perceives it that way.
The change that is been talked about might just have to start from ourselves in the current scenario by having the fire within ourselves, by going against the perceived notions of the societies, by changing ourselves and then starting from people around. Yes, obviously it will take time but as said before continuous perseverance might just be the key…!
Not giving up on the sexist thoughts even if they come from a woman (as they are the most disheartening), is the most justified and dignified way of living. Believing in yourself and balancing life is the kindest thing that you can do to yourself and your self-dignity.